Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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