a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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