you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
