Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
