I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
