sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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