am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
