you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
