I have demons in me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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