Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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