Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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