I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have demons in me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
