Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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