making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
