Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
