yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
