Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
