AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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