peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
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i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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