sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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