He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
