I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A+ Viking dick
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