I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
