Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
