dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
