Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
