so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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