Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book