Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
