if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.