That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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