Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
