So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
