You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
