just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
