final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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