And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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