When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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