You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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