I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
