I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
