I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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