I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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