This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
