Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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