How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
