Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
