he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
