please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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