At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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