My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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