Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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