Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
