a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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