dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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