if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
