i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
