the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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