I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
