i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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