First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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