I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
