i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize