My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
