I just saw a hot homeless man
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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