what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
