Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
