Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
