please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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