I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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