The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
