She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
