the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
