good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
