Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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