I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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